Rubbish Day

Tuesday, Rubbish Day - Not a description of the blog or the day! Rather Tuesday they collect the domestic rubbish - no not the wife!!

Its hard work being a Dustbin Man. Sorry forgot, they are not called that any more - they are Environmental Cleansing Operatives, no those are road sweepers, Dustbin men are Garbage Removal Operatives. Do you notice no one has an ordinary job any more. It’s even worse when it comes to parents talking about their children, “Our John, he’s doing ever so well. He’s now a Customer Relations Interactive Executive” - he works at a Call Centre!! “Our Ann is brilliant, people agree with me she’s going to get 30 CXE’s, 15 A Levels, a degree and Doctorate in Astrophysics”. Ann is 8 weeks old, all she does is cry, eat, puke and shit. Is the colour of her shit different that they can tell she’s going to get 30 CXE’s, 15 A Levels, a degree and Doctorate in Astrophysics?

It’s a sad thing, but have you noticed when there’s a report on the news about anything happening to a child. The child is always described as the brightest, most popular pupil in the school. The bullies, those who cannot make friends and the not so bright are never the victims. The message is obvious, if you want to protect your children, make sure they are not: bright, clever or popular.

Nothing new with that concept. The Ancient Chinese were fearful, that if they were seen to love their children too much, the gods would get jealous and take their child from them. So to mislead the gods they gave names to their daughters such as “Ugly Dog Faced Shit”. You cannot imagine a Chinese parent saying “’Ugly Dog Faced Shit’ is brilliant, people can see she’s going to get 30 CXE’s, 15 A Levels, a degree and Doctorate in Astrophysics”.

I can hear the Dustbin Men, sorry Garbage Removal Operatives, outside. We haven’t got Wheelie Bins but the good old fashion bins with lids. The rubbish lorry doesn’t stop, but drives slowly down the road. This means the ‘Operatives’ have to run behind the lorry, throw away the lid, throw the rubbish in the lorry, then throw away the bin, before picking up the next bin. The result is - first I must explain our road is on a slight incline - the discarded lid rolls down the road. So I have to go searching for the lid. To identify it, first I painted the house number on it, but it travelled so far I had to add the road name, still inadequate, I finally had to paint on the town name and Post Code. The cumulative distance that lid has travelled is unbelievable - I wouldn’t be surprised if one day I see it on TV on the Holiday Travel series giving a report from Outer Mongolia.

Recycling is “The” In-subject. Every news bulletin has an item about recycle targets. Our Dustbin Men, sorry Garbage Removal Operatives, have been recycling 50% for years.

Half the bin contents are spilled on the road. So after they have gone I have to go out find the bin, pick up the rubbish and put it back into the bin. Some of the rubbish has been recycled back into the bin for so long, that we send it Christmas and Birthday cards. I guess some of it’s of archaeological interest. Last week I noticed a copy of Radio Times Dated June 1986!!

But don’t bother complaining to the Council. Have you tried phoning the Council. Get through to the switchboard, get transferred to the relevant department, explain what you want, “no not our department I think you need #####”, ask to be transferred, they either lose the connection or tell you they can’t transfer you. Start again, get through to the switchboard, get transferred to the relevant department, explain what you want, “no not our department I think you need #####”, ask to be transferred, they either lose the connection or tell you they can’t transfer you. Start again . . . .

What is it with Council workers? I know some of them, out of office hours they are normal intelligent people. But once they enter the Council Office, they become brain less.

I went down to the Council office and asked the Receptionist (chosen for the job, not for her knowledge of the Council but for her good looks - in fact having any knowledge is deemed a disadvantage). I asked to see the refrigerator. “Refrigerator?”, “Yes the refrigerator Council workers keep their brains in while they are in work”. Invited to accompany the Security Guard out of the office!!

Science is moving on a pace, last week they were talking about face transplants. In the future they will be able to do brain transplants. When that happens, don’t ask for a Mathematician’s, or Philosopher’s brain, ask for a Council workers brain “almost as new hardly been used”.

Must go now to reunite bin, lid and rubbish.