Visit to Post Office

You miserable lot! Here I am on my death bed, and not a bunch of grapes from one of you. Not even a pip. Thanks very much, I don’t think!!!!

Don’t tell me I’ve heard all the excuses before. You couldn’t get near the fruit stall for all the old age pensioners and their shopping trolleys.

Really been suffering, hallucinations had a terrible vision of Gordon Brown having sex - like a slug slithering over a tomato. Grateful it wasn’t Margaret Beckett, those teeth nibbling on a carrot.

Sunday morning, temperature, not up to having my Sunday morning cuddle. “Up”, at my age, that word gives an inaccurate description irrespective of my temperature. But its nice to give the wife a cuddle on a Sunday morning, keeps her happy. And when she’s happy she lets me use her computer. Everything is hers, until it breaks down and I have to pay to replace it.

Hope I’m better by tomorrow; have to go to the Post Office. Before I would say “nipping to the Post Office”. But I can’t nip anymore since they closed the two sub-post offices close to us. Now it’s a case of organising an expedition to the main Post Office in town. Main Post Office - that’s a laugh. The Old Post Office building is now a wine bar, the Post Office is now in a shed!!

Expedition is the correct word - it’s like Scott going to the Antarctic. There’s the journey there for a start. Then you got to take all the camping gear and provisions you will need for the days you spend in the queue. Last time I was there, there were so many Policemen; I thought I had walked into a robbery. Turned out the woman at the front of the queue had been there for four days and her daughter had reported her missing.

What happens when you finally get served? Asked for a book of stamps. Woman behind the counter asked if I was going on holiday. Thought “how nice and polite, what a change an assistant who is pleasant”. Wrong, it turned out she wanted to sell me travel insurance. When I told her I wasn’t going anywhere, she asked if I had thought to switching to Post Offices Telephones. I only wanted a book of second class stamps (second class- I’m not going to pay more for them to lose my letters). Well I think they get lost - I never get replies to all my letters of complaint.

(Tip don’t send e-mail complaints they only have to hit the delete button. Always send a letter, that way they have to go to all the trouble of opening it before throwing it in the bin. Also if the company has a free mail address use that - that way you save on stamps and they pay for your letter - at least you get a little bit of revenge).

Now what was I going to say? It’s gone clean out of my head. Perhaps I’ll remember latter.