Tuesday, 19 December 2006

Supermarket Master Plan

I can’t wait for Saturday, discovered a new ploy to disrupt the young’ns shopping in the super market.

Yesterday I was unintentionally held up at the checkout. The bar code on the chicken was damaged so the young man at the checkout couldn’t scan it; also part of the number code was missing. Took ages for a staff member to get a replacement.

That gave me an idea I thought I would try:

Get a trolley full of goods - small individual items, so it will take longer to swipe.

I would damage the bar and number code of one item so it cannot be swiped.

I would then put on my oh-dear-let-me-help-you-face, “it will be quicker if I go and get a replacement, than wait for an assistant to get one”.

I would then leave the store. Leaving behind a queue waiting for my return.

My first idea was for the item to be the last one. But on second thoughts it should be about half way. That way when they realize I had disappeared; it would take additional time to clear the items left on the belt.

The downside of the plan is. Having left the store, I wouldn’t have the pleasure of witnessing the wrathful faces of the people in the queue.

Of course I could return, look directly into the face of all in the queue, giving them my oh-silly-me-smile. I could then take my time putting each item into the bags. Then the piece de resistance would be, after several minutes searching each pocket, give a broad oh-silly-me-smile, “would you believe it, I’ve left my wallet at home”. Broad smile to all the queue and leave.

The last option is a good plan but unfortunately it’s against my religious principles - totally against the beliefs of a devout Nonconformist Fundamentalist Coward - I’m afraid I would run the risk of being lynched.

While it’s nice to upset the young‘ns shopping it’s not worth sacrificing my life.

I’m really getting worried about the way my mind is working.

Some times I think I’m getting bitter and twisted - surely not?

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