Tuesday, 26 December 2006

Christmas - the morning after

Christmas finished for another year. Today, thousands are saying “Well that’s it for another year”, “Was it worth it?”.

I knew I should have got a goose from St James’s Park. The one we bought from Iceland was - how can I describe it - stuffing packed in goose flavoured skin. Don’t ask if the meat was tasty. Never found any on my plate!! All I can tell you is there were gallons of fat at the bottom of the baking tin. They should be called Canada Grease rather than Canada Geese. I’ll have to make a note to ask Jack next door for a veggie recipe for next year.

The biggest disappointment was TESCO’s finest Rich Chocolate Fudge Yule Log, coco flavoured chewing gum fermented in extra sweet molasses. I am not saying it was heavy, but when I put a small slice on my plate, not only did the plate break, but the table leg buckled. Another entry for the “Not to Get Next Year List”. While my wife isn't looking, I’ll have to give what’s left to the dog. Its not that I hate the dog, but if it’s a choice of me or it - it’s a none question.

So the Queen recorded her Annual Address from Southwark Cathedral - I hope the Bishop was sober. It would have been embarrassing to find him throwing the Queen’s toys out of her car.

(Last week, after attending a Christmas party at the Irish Embassy the Bishop of Southwark, was found throwing toys out of the back seat of a car he had broken into. One week latter he still claims he has no recollection of the evening - some party!!!.)

What is it with TV companies. Through a combination of willpower, gritting of teeth and pray people managed to go through yesterday without quarrelling with the kids, telling the Mother-in-law that she is an old witch, or their Daughter-in-law that she is a lousy cook. Then 9pm the TV master plan explodes on the nation. There must have been collaboration between three TV companies because at 9 o’clock there was a choice of:

On BBC1, -"The Vicar of Dibley" - liked by the old folk

ITV1, -"Doc Martin" - perfect family entertainment

Film4, -"Gladiator" - favourite of testosterone super charged males.

Such a clever devious plan, if it had been a choice between only two programmes one could be watched, and the other recoded. But a choice of three programmes, cruel. But even more, notice how the programmes were selected to cause maximum irritation and disagreement between men vs. women, young vs. old.

It would be no good saying, Gladiator can be seen on DVD. Through their action TV programmers ensured thousands of people went to bed disgruntled. And to make it even worse, and to rub salt in the wound, they put absolute rubbish on today. So in thousands of homes the chorus after looking at the TV programme listings is “bloody rubbish, not one, not one bloody decent programme, and last night they put three on the same time, I’m off down the pub”.

As a result of rubbish served up on TV, I decided after months of agonising to switch from dial-up to broadband, so can spend more time on the web. But what happens? I tell you what happens, last night on TV there were adverts for PC World’s Sale. They are selling laptops for £100’s less than I paid a year ago. So what? So what, its put the doubt back in my mind, that as soon as I sign up for Broadband, a new provider will come along offering the same service at a fraction of the cost. Problems, bloody problems. I’m off down the pub.

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