Wednesday, 20 December 2006

Car Parking and Medication

Have you seen the way women push supermarket trolleys? Totally oblivious to other shoppers. Charging around corners, trailing screaming kids behind them, who in turn leave a trail of half empty biscuit and sweet packets. Then they just leave the trolley in the middle of the aisle when they go on walkabout looking for (well they haven’t decided yet what they are looking for).

Who can blame me for feeling nervous when I park my car in the supermarket car park.

Warning - keep away from my car.

It’s a green Morris Minor, with a nodding dog on the back-shelf, a vase of plastic flowers stuck to the windscreen, air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror and a soft cushion for the wife on the passenger’s seat - haemorrhoids, bless her.

No not haemorrhoids, adenoids. The one that gives earache.

Soon as we get into the car the wife is off, “mind that car“, “slow down”, “speed up“. A soft cushion works a treat, she falls asleep, and I save having earache.

Its embarrassing when you get medical terms wrong. The doctor was most confused when I asked him for Viagra for my feet. I had heard that it helps you stand up longer. My feet really hurt, after I have been in a long queue at the super market.

I’ve told you before, that my wife likes a little cuddle on a Sunday morning. She got it into her head that she would like more than a cuddle. So she got stuff to “help me” (you know what I mean). She knew the stuff started with a V.

I tell you that Valium is magic, it’s the best sleep I had for ages.

Now where was I, yes keep away from my car?

If anybody parks too close, I stick a potatoes right up their exhausts. However if the car has hubcaps, I put three or four small pebbles in one of the back wheel hubcaps. When they drive off the rattle from the back wheel makes them think their rear bearings have broken.

Car what car? Have Bus pass will travel.

1 comment:

Turnipsock said...

When women leave their trollies in the middle of the aisle, I always move them out of the way, it works even better if their are kids in the trolly.

A similar trick can be used on the people that think they can parl their car across the entrance because they just want use the cash machine, I always steady myself by putting my hand on their bonnet as I walk past.