Eastern Religion, middle aged hippies and things best not mentioned

Jack next door has got Religion. Is that the correct expression - got religion?

Well he always felt frustrated on account of being deprived. He joined the army straight from school. So in the 1960’s while everyone was discovering drug, sex and Rock & Roll, Jack was marching up and down the parade ground.

On his 63 birthday he discovered Eastern Religion. Got his wife to make him a Kaftans, borrowed sandals from me - I’d bought on a holiday to Algeria. Turned vegetarian, which isn‘t too bad.

In fact I’ve benefited from him becoming a veggie. His wife had to buy a Cook Book, which my wife has borrowed. Chickpeas and spinach, surprisingly nicer than it looks or sounds. But I have to be careful what I tell the wife.

Is it a woman’s thing? You must never make the mistake of telling them you like something they’ve cooked. Fell into that trap with my mother. Wanted to get into her good books so told her I liked the liver, onions and chips we had just eaten. From then on, every Tuesday we had liver, onions and chips. The excuses Family members thought up to eat out on Tuesdays. The wife’s the same, let slip “that was nice”, and you can set your watch; we will get, it if we are lucky only, twice a week.

Though I must say, my wife really is a good cook, except - there’s always an except! She doesn’t know when to stop.

She experiments, trying this and that recipe until its perfect. But she isn’t contented with perfect she has to continue to try to improve. It took months adjusting the mixture, gas setting cooking time until she produced the perfect scone. But she had to go that little bit to far, substituting black olives for sultanas was not a good idea. I ask her “why olives”, she said “they looked like fat sultanas”.

She also has “big eye”. When she cooks she cooks in quantity. She makes stew, and we have stew for the next three days.

Back to Jack, Kaftan and sandals, he’s also let his hair grow long. How can I describe it? Previously he was bald with stubble round the edges. Now he looks as if he is wearing a hairy fringe thing (now what were they called, they were tied around beds, ruffles or something?). Why do old men (particularly ex-pop stars) think they look “Cool” by having straggly long hair?

Jack, he’s also taken up meditation, but his wife will not let him do it in the house. She had a bit of a shock, being woken at 4 am by a cacophony of fire-alarms - smoky incense sticks.

Why 4 am? It’s supposed to be the best time to communicate with the unknown. Don’t know about that. All I know, it’s the time I normally have to get up for a pee!

We told Jack he can use our garden shed to do his meditation. Useful, I can now nip into the shed for a quick drag on a fag (the UK meaning of the word - cigarette!!!), without the wife being able to smell the smoke.

He wants me to take up meditation. Bit frightening - what if it makes me all piece and love and no grumpiness!