Wednesday, 28 March 2007

Ready Steady Watch & Listen

Every weekday afternoon Mrs YesBut settles down to watch Ready Steady Cook. The resulting impact on me can only be called a Crime Against Humanity.

She sits there pen and notepad at the ready. For some peculiar reason she invariably views the program with the sound off. Perhaps she thinks she is keeping her viewing addiction a secret. But the result is she has to guess the ingredients used.

Each week a new ingredient is added to the shopping list. The kitchen cupboard is full of unopened bottles of vinegar: red wine, white wine, balsamic, bottles of mustard: French, whole grain. There’s a piece of blue stilton cheese in the fridge, that’s been there so long we regard it as a member of the family.

The ingredients are harmless as long as they remain in the cupboard. It’s only when they immerge into the daylight that they become dangerous. I wouldn’t mind so much, if I had pre-warning of an experimental dish being placed before me. At least then I could prepare my taste buds. But as it is an innocuous plate of food is placed before me, only to send shockwaves through my palate to my brain.

“What was THAT?”.

Hurt look on Mrs YesBut’s face, “You don’t like it?”

“I might. But just give me a clue of the ingredients so I know what I’m supposed to be eating”.

I said Mrs YesBut watches the program with the sound off. This can result in some unfortunate mistakes being made. Steaming fish wrapping it in cabbage leaf instead of a (I can only guess at what leaf should have been used but it certainly should not have been cabbage). The use of horseradish and mustard cheese instead of stilton. The list goes on and on.

At least I could prepare my self when steamed fish with rice covered in gravy was placed before me. But no such warning was given when I took a mouthful of sweet rice, only to realize it was impregnated with pieces of ginger. I'm more an egg and bacon man. But the last time I had that, the bacon had been marinated in honey and mustard.

Ainsley Harriott you might have a smile on your face, but I’m the one suffering the consequences of your actions. O.K. it wouldn’t be so bad if Mrs YesBut watched the program with the sound on


Shrink wrapped scream said...

Almost wet myself laughing - too close to home - reckon you should count yourself lucky, I get my recipie tips from the old bint off the vicar of Dibley...

B.T.Bear Esq. said...

I suspect that Mr Harriot is the reason the sound is kept off- try watching with the sound on one day and count how many times he says "There you go". Enough to make you chew your own foot off.


YesBut said...

Hi b.t. bear esq.

Not only Ainsley Harriot with his “what are we like then?”. But they now have an Italian chef who never stops talking, he looks as if he is on “Speed” or some other amphetamine.
And the only woman chef - everything she cooks looks the same, piled up puke. Even Mrs YesBut is better than her.


YesBut said...

Hi shrink wrapped scream
Please don’t give Mrs YesBut ideas of getting recipes from the good Vicar and her friends. Though she looks bonny on her diet.