Grumpy & Farting: Free newspapers

Free newspapers serve three purposes:

To increase the risk of global warming, resulting from the number of trees that have to be cut down to provide the paper.
To incease litter in the streets and public transport when copies are discarded.
To mask the inefficiency of the National Health Service appointments system.

They serve no other purpose.

You have an appointment to see a doctor at 11:20, (not 11:15 or 11:30 but precisely 11:20). Don’t kid yourself all appointments are created by a random number generator and are pure fiction. Turn up by 11:20 and if you are lucky you’ll see the doctor at 12:30. When he’s in a rush to get rid of you so that he can go for lunch. But that’s where the free newspapers comes into play. Left around the waiting room, you pick it up and turn to the Sudoku - caught again, concentrating on the puzzle you don’t notice time passing.

Yesterday I finished the Sudoku. All the magazines in the waiting room were pre World War 2, so I had no alternative but to read the paper - I use the word ‘read’ loosely. Turned the page, and my blood pressure shot through the roof. There in the paper was a photo of the face that was on TV screen every day during the months leading up to the Iraq war.

Supercilious, arrogant, lying, those are only the flattering epithets for Geoff “would you buy a second hand car from me” Hoon, the Minister of Defence at the time Britain went to war in Afghanistan and Iraq. He was giving a “60 Second Interview”.

The first question was . . .Sorry I can’t even think about this heap of steaming dog excrement’s opinions. Only to say, in his opinion the Iraq insertion was a success. Asked why, if it was a success there are still British troops in Iraq? He replied, “The aftermath has been more difficult than expected”.

Its just like a surgeon saying, “Mrs Blogs, I have good news for you and not so good news. The good news is we successfully removed your husbands ingrown toe nail. The not so good news, he bled to death".

Now I can’t make up my mind, is this pathetic excuse of a politician so dim-witted that he thinks Iraq was a success, or does he think that we are so stupid we will believe him? The only glimmer of hope is at least we will soon be free of Blair.

I must finish with a classic quote from the interview.

What’s Donald Rumsfeld like?

Hoon: “He’s very straightforward. He said what he thought. He was always very clear.”

Rumsfeld the man that sounds like a maladroit randomly farting Babel Fish