Sod's Law

March has felt more like May. Last Sunday people in swimming suits were sunbathing on Hampstead Heath. Mind, only the English would think 16°C was a heat wave.

But since mid February its been great to walk through the parks. The flowers have been out a month earlier than last year. People have been pursuing outdoor activities. The couple on the right were not contented with a mere sand castle. And it brought such joy to passers by. By the following day the River Thames had reclaimed its own and there was no indication the dragon had ever existed.

But all good things come to an end; the weather forecast from tomorrow is winds coming down from the Artic, resulting plummeting temperature and snow. Great we can play snow balls. Now you might detect YesBut isn’t his normal Grumpy and Farting self. True its an exercise in positive thinking. Though I don’t think its going to last long - in fact I know it isn’t going to last. Yesterday afternoon, the hot water/ central heating system sprung a leak.

A clear case of Sod’s Law: the weather has been abnormally warm for nearly two months, and when the temperature drops the central heating system breaks down. And no it cannot be a simple easy to repair leak, it’s not only under a concrete floor but also under a wall. It’s going to take two days, of pneumatic tools hammering at the floor and wall before they can even get to the pipe. We’ve been warned that we will be without heating and hot water till Thursday - something has got to go wrong, so I’m not anticipating we will be back to normal next week.

If I haven’t died of hypothermia by Wednesday, YesBut will be in a very bad mood, which might not be a bad thing - all that indignation is bound to generate internal heat.

Dragons & Virgins

A dragon’s life isn’t too bad, since those stupid knights on horseback stopped charging at them.

There was one fellow, called George, don’t know what happened to him, but he made a nuisance of himself. Every Saturday, he’d be chucked out of the pub, for cheating at skittles, he’d climb on his horse, and off he’d go to fight a dragon. But he’d make sure the only dragon he ever challenged was so old it could hardly sum up enough energy to fart, no need blow a flame. Some hero was George, one fart and he was blown off his horse. Poor old George, he had ideas well above his station. Got it into his head that one day he’d become a national hero. Even employed Max Clifford to be his publicist. Max had the bright idea that George should give away tee shirts with red cross emblem. Last I heard of George was when he was a contestant on “Ye Oldie Big Brother”.

These days’ dragons lead a very peaceful life. If you go through Llanybydder you can see the children of the Polish immigrant workers playing with the young dragons.

The perfect dragon sausage is made from a 92 year old dragon. The traditional way of killing a dragon is by sacrificing a young virgin to it. At 92, it doesn’t take many virgins for it to die, with a smile on its face, of exhaustion.

Unfortunately, there is now a problem of supply and demand. The increased popularity of dragon sausages has resulted in an increased demand for virgins. The Welsh Dragon Breeders Association (WDBA) has run a recruitment campaign but unfortunately without much success. They tried using immigrant virgins, but the dragon’s insisted on having young Welsh virgins.

I don’t think there will be an improvement until the conversion of the factory in Llanelli is completed. But even then it will take time to retrain the workers from pickling onions to making chastity belts.

Charles Prince of Wales to breed Organic Dragons

Since it has become public knowledge that the Prince of Wales has purchased a Welsh farm,

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/...

the local rumour mill has been in full production.

It is believed the Prince will use the farm to breed organically reared Dragons.

The spokesperson for the Welsh Dragon Breeders Association (WDBA), Elvin Lewis (aged 49), stated:

“Since its establishment in 1986, the WDBA has been in the forefront of the Dragon conservation program. While there are still 30 breeding pairs in the Brecon Beacons, and it is rumoured that there are a few dragons living in remote inaccessible valleys in Snowdon, the main population of dragons can be found in number of farms located in the Upper Tywi Valley. We would welcome Prince Charles joining the Association, and consider there is commercial potential in establishing an organic dragon meat market.”.

WDBA’s enthusiasm is not shared by everyone. The Welsh Glacier Monitoring Unit (WGMU) in a press release state:

“It is a well known fact, that during the mating season, male dragons spout, at least 6 times per hour, 30 ft long flames from their nose. The artificially high concentration of male dragons in the Upper Tywi Valley, has resulted in an increase of 3 Deg. C in the annual average ambient temperature. This has resulted in an accelerated melting of Welsh Glaciers. This year the run off from the Llangadog Glacier together with the higher than average rain fall in August resulted in flooding of parts of the Lower Tywi Valley.”

One of the casualties of the flood was the Annual Virgins Dance. The dance thought to originate in ancient times, when a virgin was given as sacrifice to pacify the wroth of dragons roaming over the West Wales Mountains.

One of the dancers, Blodwyn Williams (aged 14), on hearing the dance had been cancelled, tearfully stated that she and her friends had been practicing for months, and had to wear chastity belts for three years to ensure they would participate in the dance. She said with the onset of winter, the poor TV reception and the chaffing of the belts, she feared she wouldn’t qualify to participate in next years dance.

A BBC spokesperson, categorically denied poor TV reception was due to transitional shock waves caused by low flying dragons. He stated that while TV transmission masts had not been designed to attenuate the effects of transitory shock waves, the conversion of Ferryside and Llanstephan to purely digital service had been pre-planned, and had nothing to do with low flying dragons.

Future neighbours of Prince Charles, John James John (aged 36) and his wife Gladys (aged 74) were pleased the Prince had purchased Llwynywormwood estate, they wished him well in his Bed & Breakfast business. Their only concern was “ if he does keep dragons we hope he will keep them under control, we have enough trouble with pigeons landing on our chimney”.