UK Spring Bank Holiday - yuck

In early April I was in Wales; I posted a blog to say how un-seasonal the weather was. More like July - children eating ice cream, women in short sleeved tops. It turned out to be the warmest April on record. People were talking about a long hot summer with the inevitable restrictions on water use.

Then came May - it has behaved like an unruly mixed-up teenager, throwing in-turn sulks and tantrums. The beginning of last week it was wet and cold, but by mid-week it started to warm-up. But by Saturday afternoon it was back too heavy rain and cold.

Yesterday was Whit Sunday more heavy rain, and today is Spring Bank Holiday, which normally is the time when the UK starts to stir and prepare for hopefully an inrush of summer tourists. When I say hopefully, I’m reporting the tourist industries view. Me - well anybody who has read my previous blogs know I really detest tourists; they make my life a misery, blocking up: the pavements, access areas to Underground stations and shops. Sorry about that little rant - no I’m not sorry, if I can’t rant on my own blog, then where can I rant?

As I was saying London and the other tourist attractions around the UK start opening up. Deckchairs are put out in parks - though this year with the hot April they were put out a month early. In seaside towns small hotels wake up from their winter hibernation.

For future reference of overseas tourists to the UK, please take note - it doesn’t matter how much you read about it being warm and dry in the UK, remember, whether it’s the Spring or Summer Bank Holiday, in the UK,

Bank Holiday = guaranteed rain.

For years, why it rained on Bank Holidays, remained a mystery. Then YesBut’s top investigation reporter discovered the truth. The owners of London’s tourists’ attractions don’t want tourists to go window shopping in Oxford and Regent Streets or sunbath in the parks. They want the tourists to dig deep into their pockets and pay to go into their attractions. So for a week leading up to Bank Holidays they employ a group of shamans to do rain dances and cast rain spells.

Last Thursday and Friday Trafalgar Square was covered with turf, to convert it into a “Village Green”. The idea was to demonstrate how London is made up of a number of villages which have grown together to form an urban conurbation. But each retains its own individual characteristics; Chelsea is unmistakably Chelsea, while Hampstead with its heath has its own unique character. Well if they had left the turf there for yesterday and today the rain and trampling tourists would have converted Trafalgar Square into a Chinese paddy field.

This morning as well as the rain the tourists will have to cope with gale force gusts of wind.

YesBut global warming - easy solution declare everyday a Bank Holiday.

Click here to see YesBut’s Image of the day.

Trafalgar Square’s Fourth Plinth

People pass it by, but when the sun strikes the white marble bust and torso it becomes the most arresting public sculpture in London.

Click here to see today's image.

Erroneous Population Results

At the weekend the Director of NASA’s World Population Survey Programme (WPSP), had to admit all results published since 2005 were incorrect. This was due to a computer program glitch. The survey is performed by taking satellite images of every square metre of the Earths land surface. A count of the number of people seen at a location is used to predict the number of unseen people, i.e. those not directly visible to the satellite. Unfortunately no allowance had been made in the program for anomalies.

Regrettably the survey for London was done during the visit of the Chinese State Circus; an image of a Chinese acrobat with ten colleagues standing on his shoulder distorted the population density figures (PDFs) for central London. These were further distorted by incorporating into the final statistics PDFs based on the survey of Trafalgar Square taken the day after England had won the Ashes. The Director did point out validation of the survey results was performed using 2003 results, which coincidentally coincided with the return of the English Rugby team after winning the Rugby World Cup.

The Director announced the population of London is 12.56% less than previously stated, and 8.07% less for the whole of the UK.

Commenting on NASA’s statement, a Home Office spokesperson said:

“These figures confirm our own survey results, that the influx of Polish immigrants was grossly overestimated. In fact to date Home Office records show only 23 Polish nationals have entered the country since 2005. Though there are boxes with data awaiting validation”

Dr John Read stated he had asked Home Office officials what he should know, and was told nothing.

New Labour’s Chairman, Hazel Blear, stated at a protest against closing her local hospital.

“I am very pleased that such a renowned organisation as NASA has provided unequivocally evidence of this Government’s achievements since 1997. The National Health Service is safe in this Governments hands. Further let it be a warning for those who think David Cameron is capable of making hard decisions”


A spokesperson for Friends of the Earth said:

“The decrease in the population of London confirms the existence of global warming. Fair skinned residents of London have had to move north to prevent sun burns.”

Liberty’s Director Shami Chakrabarti interviewed on BBC demanded a Public Enquiry into the missing persons. She stated this was yet further proof of the USA Extraordinary-Rendition Program.

Asked what steps would be taken to prevent a similar errors, NASA’s WPSP Director stated, surveys would not be performed on the day the English Cricket Team returned from Australia, or from the ICC Cricket World Cup, or on the day the England Rugby Team returns from the Rugby World Cup, as the results would underestimate Central London’s population.