YesBut is this Security gone mad?

There I was quietly tapping away at the keyboard; thunderous RRRRRRRR BUBUBUBUBU. Went outside looked up, and there’s this thumping big Seaking helicopter hovering overhead. Down drops a rope soon followed by a troop of SAS dressed in full combat gear. Before you can say “YesBut”, YesBut is spread-eagled on the floor rifle in my back.

Turned out to be an exercise, to see how quick the Security Services could react in the event of this blog was hijacked. Don’t know what effect it had on hackers but it scared the hell out of me.

Bit over the top I thought! Told them I already had CCTV coverage, and am planning to upgrade by installing one of those talking CCTV cameras. They advised I should require everyone before they log on to remove their footwear - just in case they have a shoe-bomb; also to have their iris scanned and voice and fingers prints taken.

How can you take a bear’s fingerprints?

YesBut better safe than sorry.

All that looking at antispyware programs and reading about viruses has made me quite paranoiac. If “They” can attack my computer, then just think what They could do to this blog. The mind boggles at the thought. But as you might have noticed I’ve taken some security precautions. Installed CCTV to watch the blog while I’m away from the computer. After seeing what school kids do at the local newsagents - one distracts the shop keeper while the others are stealing sweats and magazines - I thought, that’s it, no kids allowed near this blog.

Then if the blog gets popular, lots of people viewing it at the same time, you know what would happen? Everywhere there are crowds - pickpockets. Innocent old lady from Minsk reading the blog, next thing she knows some thief has stolen her foot warmer. Before I know it I’m being sued by an old woman from Minsk. Not me. Sought legal advice, told if I install a warning sign I would do all that is required from a prudent blogger. So forget about sueing me, look after your own family jewels.

To be extra careful, I’m also warning you about thieves taking your iPod MP3 player. If you are sitting there listening to music- music suddenly stops, you might assume you’ve gone deaf, no, some scumbag has thieved your iPod. But don’t blame me I’ve warned you.

Then I thought what if there’s some techno geek, walking down the street, reading this blog on his mobile phone or laptop with wireless connection. Gets so intrigued by the content and the rapier wit and repartee, that he doesn’t notice he‘s come to a side street, steps off the pavement and splat, knocked down by a horse-drawn-hearse. [If the next of kin are smart they could do a deal with the Undertaker (sorry Funeral Director) get 50% discount off the funeral costs. Well let’s face it, not good publicity, going to dispose of one body and picking up another on the way]. But being a good citizen, I’ve taken a precaution of warning you - look both ways.

Come to think of it, safest thing for both you and the blog.

Conspiracy Theories

David Icke is just one of many, making a good living in the Conspiracy Industry.

Politicians build their careers on conspiracy. George Bush and Tony Blair declare they are the true protectors of Western Civilisation. Claiming to be the only ones we can trust to protect us from the massing menacing Islamic hordes, (so they claim).

Blair & Bush cannot do it by themselves; they are assisted by the “Gentlemen” of the Press. Newspapers need stories. And no story sells more newspapers than a good conspiracy (well with the exception of those about sex and or Princess Diana).

Of course THE all time story had the combination of:
Conspiracy, sex and Princess Diana.

But conspiracies have to be worked at, nurtured. The fires have to be periodically stoked, with a splash of kerosene thrown on. This is the daily drip, drip:

Islamic women hiding behind their burkas (shock horror).

Islamic youths visiting Pakistan (the clouds of war are gathering).

Tanks sent to guard Heathrow.

News the Country is on Orange alert.

Police to receive training to deal with dirty bombs.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/6215795.stm

Thirty or is it three hundred known terrorist plots under investigation by the Security Services. (They probably read this blog - Hi Guys & Girls Happy New Year)

“We as a Nation must unite and protect our citizens”. More laws, more restrictions, more surveillance (install more CCTV cameras at each street corner and under all beds, (seen it in the Movies, spies always hide under a bed)). ID cards, biometric passports. What’s the next step? Well it’s obvious. Why have old fashion cards and passports, why not implant a micro chip in each persons forearm. Not only can it be used to identify the individual, but in conjunction with satellite navigation it could be used to keep a record of everyone’s movements. Think of the advantages of that to solving crimes. “If you haven’t got anything to hide, you’ve got nothing to worry about”. Who could object? Only those liberal lefties.

But this is nothing new. Conspiracy thrives on fear, which is sustained by ignorance and exploitation of the unknown. Now what else relies on fear and the unknown? Religion. “Out there are evil forces, worship Me and I’ll protect you”. “Don’t worry about death, worship Me and you’ll have eternal life”. Religions have always built conspiracy myths to entice people to become followers. Today’s “enemies” were also yesterday’s enemies. In the eleventh century Europe was marshalled and organized to fight in a total of seven Crusades against the Muslim hordes.

David Icke isn’t stupid he combines politics and religion in his conspiracy theories. No wonder he sells so many books.

I think with a little bit of effort I could start my own conspiracy theories devised while under the influence of Tesco’s Rich Chocolate Fudge Yule Log - dam, the wife eat the last piece yesterday. Must be my Karma, or is it a conspiracy?